Shed a tear

"I shed a tear today. Silently, I felt it fall. You caught it, shared it, held it, felt it, then suddenly it wasn't so big after all.   "
Tindall, Marge

So this quote really is applicable to me for today, I just couldn't bare it but to just burst into tears. I can tell you I'm a person who can hardly cry except for movies. I have reached the point where so many things have gone wrong. I just can't believe I shed tears in front of my cheer mates without knowing the reason why. It just happened. I felt as if the whole world is against me and nothing is going my way. I felt the whole burden that I always thought I can hold on just came crashing to me and stab a knife into my heart. Usually I'm tough at sucking it up even though I get scolded or anything but it's just not today.

The moment I reached the dressing room to meet up with my cheer mates today, I felt the whole burden, the whole world is going against me. I was just sitting down and looking at them preparing. The second I shut my eyes for a couple of seconds, tears just started flooding down my face. Any psychological reason for me crying all of a sudden? Or it could be all the stress that I'm facing right now during the first month of the year.

To sum it up, the worst type of crying could be the one where you don't have a lot of tears but your body just is just wracked with sob. The instant your stomach drops and your world closes in. Feeling everything fall into place as you had thought it to be all along, but had hoped so dearly to be wrong.
I need to cry, though even if I want to, it becomes harder and harder to. Closing down emotionally hasn’t helped at all. I just wish someone could provide me with some sort of instructions for once, even just for a little while would be fine.

Just wait and see.

Someone will fall in love with you. Your flaws, scares, someone will. They'll love you for you. They'll know what you look like when you’re tired, happy, sad, angry. They’ll know what music you like, how you like your coffee. They’ll fall in love with you. No one else, just you. Maybe you haven’t found them yet, but there is someone out there wondering what you’re like.
You’ll meet them, I promise.

-Tumblr-

Money doesn't really matter.

You don’t have to be rich to take someone on a date. A date could be as simple as taking someone out on a picnic, using all the food you had at home. It could be taking them to your house to watch a bunch of movies, while eating ramen noodles that you made them or even bake for them. You don’t have to spend 100s of dollars to make me happy. Yes, maybe spending a lot of money would make them feel happy and probably make them feel special. But honestly, there are just so many other things that you could do for that significant someone that are free or cost less. It's really the thought that counts. Somehow, it's the little things that matter rather than spending so much money. You can go for a long walk at the park or maybe just watching a movie on the TV. It all comes down to proximity. The little thing that I mentioned was actually all about the effort and time spent together. Generally, spending time with the significant someone is already the best thing. All the other things that you can do together is just an addition to making things fun. These are my opinions about how a date should be.

Really? You're not that great.

Does anyone else hate when flyers are stuck up because they are flyers? It doesn’t happen to many at all, like most flyers I know aren’t stuck up about it, but there are those few that just make me want to punch them in the face. They think they are so great because they are the center of attention. They think its all about them because “they could die if they get dropped”. Yea well as a base whose flyer has landed flat on my neck, face and boobs for way too many times, I’m pretty sure I have a high risk too. Oh yea and guess what, if it wasn’t for your group…you wouldn’t even be in the air. So wake up and smell the god damn roses, you aren’t as great as you think you are.

I used to fly, and I know its not as easy as some people think it is. But when the flyer tries to make it out like the hardest part of the stunt I just want to grab them by the face turn them around and scream “yea say that to your backspot’s face!”

I also hate when people think that flyers have to be perfectly flexible in the air. that every single one must have the most beautiful needle anyone has ever seen. well its not like that. I have so much respect for the flyers that don’t have the best flexibility but get up in the air stick their stunt and work it like they do.

But just because you have a needle, or you are so tiny you can be thrown around without effort doesn’t mean that you can be stuck up about flyer “standards”. In my opinion the only people that should be in the air are the ones that know what they are doing when it comes to the stunt. Which ever flyer helps out their bases enough so that no one is at risk of getting hurt. Just because a flyer has a needle doesn’t mean that they are safe to be in the air.

And that’s my rant for the day.

The Beginning of 2013

2013 is upon us at last and so far it’s looking quite a lot like 2012 did. 2012 is the year that went by so fast, maybe a little too fast, just like 2011. This year is not the best year for me and my folk, so knowing it’s over is somewhat relieving for all our misfortune. I expected too much from this year, 2012. Luck is not an option though, luck is just an extra freebie mostly for the weak. It’s still hard work and perseverance to modify a living. I had to learn too many things the hard way, which is reality. I don't blame it but I blame the choices that I made myself. I didn't have to go through all the things I've gone through if I knew the consequences. But I'm still somewhat glad I survived 2012 by learning so many things. I must say that 2012 had made me understand myself very well which probably is one of the greatest thing that happened to me. 

Starting this year the same way I ended last year… being productive. Even if it’s something as simple as straightening up my room. I plan on making this the most overall productive year of my life. Whether it be finding work, working out, playing sports, enjoying my hobbies (or making new ones), or going to class. I’m not getting any younger and I know that now is the best time for me to start moving forward and open my mind to new things. 

I've had almost this entire past year to myself and hadn't made much progress in moving forward in any way whatsoever. But what I did have was plenty of time to clear my head and get my priorities straight. Even though my mind is still cluttered with a million thoughts, I feel a sense of clarity. All I need now is to keep a level head on my shoulders learn to stay focused.

So, I’m quite a negative person. I don’t mean to be, but its the way I am. Anyway, instead of making a crappy new years resolution that I’m not going to stick to. I thought I would get some form of a jar and I will fill it throughout the year with little pieces of paper. And what will I write on these pieces of paper? Basically whatever good things happen to me throughout the year, I’ll write down and put it in the box. And at the end of 2013, I’ll open the lid and see what good things happened to me.

I truly hope that all of you have a magnificent year and that 2013 brings you happiness and love.